It would feel better to say I’d often wondered how a man knows when he is ready to become a father, or when he is “grown up” enough to be called ‘Daddy’. Unfortunately, nothing could be further from accurate.
The truth is, I’d never even considered those questions before the day my girlfriend called to announce that she was pregnant. Unplanned was an enormous understatement – this was an event that hadn’t even been dreamt of. I was 24 years old, but barely a “responsible adult” by my own estimation, and now I was potentially going to be responsible for a brand new life. I was terrified, excited, overwhelmed, proud and depressed all at the same time……but more than anything, I was confused.
How did this happen? You know what, forget how – why did this happen? Out of all the couples in the world, someone thought it was a good idea to put this new life in our hands? We were barely a couple, and certainly not “in love’ or planning a future together. There just didn’t seem to be a right solution to this “problem”.
What were my options?
Leave her hanging? No – despite the fact that we weren’t much of a couple, she WAS one of my best friends in the world. I couldn’t possibly do that to her. And abortion wasn’t a consideration in either of our minds – so we were definitely having a baby. I suppose we could have elected to put the child up for adoption, but despite the unplanned nature of this damned and blessed event, she truly wanted a child; as such, the adoption possibility never really got off the ground.
Indeed, we were having a baby – together.
We decided the best course of action was to marry. We felt like the stability would be in the child’s best interests – and there are certainly worse things than being married to your best friend, right?
However, that only solved one of my dilemmas. I still didn’t feel like I was ready to be a father. If I was going to do this, then I wanted to be a good dad – just like my own father had been for me. But I wasn’t sure I knew how. Around this time, the rock band Creed released a song entitled “With Arms Wide Open”. The song details the singer’s fears and struggles upon discovering that he was about to be a father, and I immediately identified with the song – in fact, tears flowed freely the first few times I heard the song……..it said exactly what I was feeling at the time.
We had decided on a simple wedding ceremony with just a few family members in attendance at a local restaurant, because it was all we could afford or emotionally handle at that point – after all, she was 5 months pregnant by this time. As the day approached, my fear grew despite the fact that I would soon have an official partner in this endeavor.
But the wedding day proved to be a relief when it finally arrived - it felt like a tremendous release of pressure, and quite a large step forward toward the creation of a strong family unit. We couldn’t afford a honeymoon, so our celebration was a simple night out with a few friends at a local bar that was holding its weekly karaoke night, which we had regularly attended for several years. Despite some initial reservations, I finally gave in to my new wife’s request to perform “With Arms Wide Open” – a song she’d not yet heard – at the end of the night. I began the song, gazing into my wife’s beautiful eyes as I sang.
Suddenly a look of shock overcame those eyes, and she hurriedly approached the makeshift stage. She grasped my hand and placed it on her belly, whispering into my ear, “He started as soon as you began singing!” Our son was kicking and moving around like crazy in the womb – it was as if he knew I was singing for him. It seemed as though he was trying to tell me that everything was going to be fine – for the first time, I felt like I was going to be a good “daddy”………and I could feel tears of joy welling as I sang to my unborn son.
